Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're fucking dead."

With the release of 24: The Game out this week and 2 full hours of 24 next monday, it's a good time for Jack Bauer fans. All I will say about this season so far is that it has had some high points and low points. Not the pure adrenalin rush season 4 was, but with all hell about to break loose, the season should really pick up. How is the game? Probably a tad underwhelming since all I've seen so far is mildly decent magazine scores and no early website reviews as of yet (meaning 2K games may not have wanted word to get out before the game was actually out).

But also finally out this week is EA's Black, which their PR department has come up with the term "gun porn" to describe it. Several reviews mention the coolness of the levels of destruction, and apparently, somebody figured out that a shotgun is the ultimate key, since you can use that to open locked doors. The reviews have been solid, but it's a universal agreeement that the game is too short and could've been so much more (i.e. no multi-player).

Finally got through Tales of Legendia's character quests today. It was a somewhat exhausting but fun 50+ hours overall. Still have about a month til Kingdom Hearts II hits, so I'll need something to keep me busy, and although I haven't been that impressed by previews, both Grandia III & Shadow Hearts: The New World seem like good filler. I'll probably also try to go through the original Kingdom Hearts for the umpteenth time, but that shoudln't take more than a week.

A little while ago, I mentioned Microsoft may be making a portable console, and apparently it's more of a reality and coming sooner than anyone would've guessed. An official annoucnement is suppsoedly coming out this week, but reportedly the system is essentially a portable Xbox that you can also play music and watch movies on. There is a heavy rumor circulating that MS is launching their own music system to compete with Apple, I'd be willing to bet this new portable launches with the service. Here's a supposed ad for the system. Halo 2 on the go does sound pretty friggin sweet.

Moving on from games, plenty of great stuff out on DVD this week, namely Walk the Line, which was a pretty superb movie in my humble opinion, worthy of every nomination it got. But I'm much more excited about Newsradio: Season 3. The late great Phil Hartman, Dave Foley, and Andy Dick are just an unbeatable comedic trio. You're doing yourself a disservice if you don't pick up all 3 seasons currently out and the 4th when it comes out.

Want to direct a movie commercial? Well Universal Pictures is giving amatuers a shot at the big time by holding a contest for their upcoming release Slither. The movie already looks like plenty of fun, should be interesting to see what comes out of this.

Dead or Alive stills have been posted, I can smell the oscar already:





















And finally, thank god the olympics are over, now I can get back to Scrubs, which is actually on right now. Until next time...

Procrastination is teh ghey

I was really hoping something interesting would break this week, but it hasn't. A crappy movie with Paul Walker (Running Scared) is all that's even been screened for critics this week, and not suprisingly, it's getting enough bad reviews that hopefully it's the bullet that kills Paul Walker's career (but odds are it won't).

And the only newsworthy item is something that I somehow forgot to mention last week: Seems that UMD movie sales for the PSP are majorly sucking ass. Apparently, people don't want to pay for the same movie more than once (ok, except for diehard fans of Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and Evil Dead, but they're nuts). What is Sony's solution? Sell you a fucking TV adapter. BRILLIANT! Now I can pay for a stripped-down UMD version of a film what I would pay for a normal DVD version, but also buy a pricey adapter so I can play it on my TV!

Ok, that's it for today, but to make up for my lack of posting, how about 101 FREE GAMES! That's right, the 101 best free computer games as chosen by Computer Gaming World. Should be at least a few decent ones in there, right?????

What's that? YOU STILL HAVEN'T SEEN SERENITY?

Well now you have no excuse, cause youtube has it for free, no strings attached, you just stream it. Certainly a better option than the tripe in theaters this weekend. I suffered through Date Movie earlier today, and it was a total mess. Not one good thing I can say about it. Eight Below is a movie with Paul Walker who is playing second fiddle to a dog sled team (just look at the wonders the did for Cuba Gooding JR.'s career...) regardless of how many positive reviews it gets. And Freedomland is another movie that obviously can't decide what it wants to be (is it a mystery, a horror movie, or statement on bad race relations? Oh wait, it's a horrid combination of all 3).

One game I forgot to talk about last time that came out this week was Mark Ecko's Getting Up : Contents Under Pressure-This has raised a big stir because it basically endorses graffiti, but Sega beat them to the punch on that years ago with Jet Set Radio. I'm not too interested in some flash in the pan clothes designer's idea of a game.

And before I go, here's your FREE GAME OF THE WEEK: No Action Jackson-Classic Sierra-style adventure.

Jack Thompson has a new ally in his fight against Rockstar...

Just who? HOOKERS! That's right, hookers are stepping up and protesting Grand Theft Auto for it's "encouragement" of violence against hookers. It's a proud day in the Thompson household....

Even better news: Uwe Boll has threatened to stop making movies! I love how he basically takes swipes at Doom which wasn't a huge hit but grossed more money in it's opening weekend than all his films combined, and how he thinks the way he makes movies is a good thing and we should be grateful they are getting made at all. Yeah, everyone was just waiting for a fucking Postal movie.....

I'm almost done with the main game of Tales of Legendia, but there are also personal quests for each of the characters after the end, so hopefully that'll keep me busy a little bit longer. Which means I'll most likely be picking up either Grandia III or Shadow Hearts: FTNW soon, need something to keep me busy till Kingdom Hearts 2.

Sony's online strategy has finally been revealed. Sounds like they are basically copying MS' setup, which certainly isn't a bad plan, but you're gonna want to be able to offer something different if you want converts or people to choose you over the competition, plus they don't have nearly the experinece MS has, I'm sure the first year or so of this service will be pretty bumbpy, just like it was for MS.

Ever wonder what Sci-Fi crew you would be the best fit for? Take this fun little quiz. I got the crew of DS9, which is fine by me as it was easily my favorite Trek show.

In all honesty, it's a good thing that Xbox 360s are still ridiculously scarce right now, because with Full Auto finally out, I'd be heavily tempted to go out and buy one. Something about the blending of Twisted Metal and Burnout along with online play just really appeals to me even though I'm not into cars at all.

And that's really about it for today, but I'll definitely be back tomorrow or Friday.

Demo Disc Day

Ok as I said I was going to do, I played through the PSM demo disc (although after some thought, this probably won't be a regular thing, there's a good reason I rarely buy these types of mags-the extra content rarely justifies the price). I didn't check out every single demo, but here's some observations on what I did try out:

Shadowhearts: The New World-Oh dear god what have they done to my beloved underground franchise? The classic ring-based battle system is still there, but half the reason the first two games were so good were the great characters that weren't your usual bratty underage youths and great dialogue and voice acting. This demo shows the hero, a 16-year old bratty rich kid who fancies himself a detective, and his Lurch-like bodyguard, both with laughably awful voices and dialogue. I might give a rent, but at this point no way I'm purchasing Shadow Hearts unless I hear of a drastic voice overhaul.

Sonic Riders: If I had any doubt left that Sonic needs to either be drastically revamped or killed off completely, this "extreme" title is it. Not only are the controls horrible, but does anybody give a rat's ass that anybody other than Sonic is even in this game? Time to go back to the drawing board guys.

Teen Titans: I like the show, so I had an outside hope that this would be different from the other licensed crap out there. It shows some potential, but it's choppy and why the hell can't I turn into a T-rex (or several other animals) as Beast Boy? In fact, all the characters abilities seem to be rather limited, which is just lazy on the developers'part.

State of Emergency 2: You know, the first game was a fucking pile of shit, and admittedly, this seems a slight step up from that, but only slightly. It's still the same redundant crap, except no there seems to be no lame escort missions.

Drakengard 2: I wasn't too impressed by the first title, and the 2nd one isn't much of an improvement quite frankly. It's trying to be Panzer Dragoon, but it's just not nearly as good, and realyl, if you can't at least match that level of excellence why bother?

Onimusha: Dawn of Dreams: I love how they said that the last Onimusha game was actually going to be the last one, yet here we are less than 2 years later with another game on the same platform. And it still plays like crap.

And there wasn't a playable demo, but a video of the making of Grandia III that was none too reassuring either. I was seriously excited about this game until I heard the developers trying to explain their concept. Luckily the reviews have been really solid, so it'll probably be the perfect thing to pick up right after I'm done with Tales of Legendia and will hopefully keep me busy until Kingdom Hearts II is out.

Ok, that's all for today. FREE GAME OF THE WEEK: Alien Hominid-A classic shooter

Arresting Finale

Hoped you watched the last 2 hours of Arrested Development tonight, may be a while before you see any more, assuming they finalize a deal with ABC or Showtime (for the record, Showtime sounds like a better deal, less episodes, but more years and don't have to worry about ratings, though they should keep bleeping swear words, it's funnier that way.)

I saw Final Destination 3 today, seemed like the only semi-noteworthy flick opening this weekend. Pink Panther smells desperate as hell (and I wasn't a big fan of the original). I was initially excited about Firewall, but i realized not only has Harrison Ford done this quite a few times before, this is essentially the same as Hostage, which was also extremely crappy. And Curious George seems fine for the kids, but I'll at least pass til video. Anyways, FD 3 was exactly what you expected it to be-Gruesome, campy, and a lot of fun. First enjoyable horror film I've seen in quite awhile.

Start the countdown, the official Kingdom Hearts 2 website is up. This is easily my most anticipated game of the last few years, my copy is all paid for and I can't wait to start kicking some Heartless ass all over the Magic Kingdom.

Finally, I'm about 11 hours in on Tales of Legendia, and it's pretty fun. It's not much of a change from previous titles in the series (and actually a step back since it loses the psuedo-3D fighting from Tales of Symphonia). The real key is the great humor, lot's of very funny dialogue and interesting characters along with a damn evil and worthy main villain. Highly reccomended for any action rpg fans.

Taht's it for today, but worry not, I'll be back Sunday with some impressions on the latest PSM demo disc (which may become a regular thing) and the game of the week along with probably a couple other observations. In the mean time, get hyped for Disgaea 2 by checking out the trailer.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip. That started from this tropic port, aboard this not so tiny ship.

In lieu of seeing Good Night & Good luck this weekend, I decided to concentrate on Dragon Quest VIII, which paid off since I beat it Monday night. The boss was pretty easy and the end was kind of predicatble and lame, but it was overall a satisfying 75 hours and 24 minutes I spent. And since Tales of Legendia has been getting mostly pretty solid reviews, I picked it up, I'll let you know my early impressions in the next post. The story takes place upon a giant continent that is in reality, a ship, hence today's header.

Probably the best news of the last month: Uwe Boll is definitely not going to be directing the Metal Gear Solid movie. Straight from Kojima's mouth:

"Absolutely not! I don't know why Uwe Boll is even talking about this kind of thing. We've never talked to him. It's impossible that we'd ever do a movie with him."

Now, I've always found the storylines in the MGS games to be really bizarre and nonsensical, but at least with Boll definitely having no hand in the project, it won't be complete gutter trash with shit production values like all of his films are.

Finally, Kingdom Hearts II has a solid release date of March 28th, but more awesome is the mostly stellar cast. Some great heavy hitters like Christopher Lee and James Woods, but seriously, Jesse McCartney as one of the lead characters? That's almost as bad as having Lance Bass as Sepiroth.

I'm sorry, you've got the wrong number...

Is probably the first thing I'd say When a Stranger Calls, the only film even opening this weekend that was obviously so bad it was not screened for critics.

Not really much else going on this week (apparently, Superbowl sunday has killed off all other happenings), but I did watch Wallace & Gromit: Curse of the Were-rabbit, and it was excellent, very clever and funny. And thankfully, Good Night and Good Luck is finally opening this weekend at my local theatre, so I'll probably check that out tommorow.

I'm nearly at the end of Dragon Quest VIII, which will be just in time for Tales of Legendia , from the same team that made the spectacular Tales of Symphonia. Then, only a week later, Grandia III hits the shelves. My PS2 is going to be very busy this month (and most likely next month as well, assuming a couple key releases stay on schedule).

And of course-FREE GAME OF THE WEEK: Zef's Underwater Adventure