Gamer Cinema: Elf Bowling: The Movie

Did you know Santa was a pirate who by pure circumstance (or DESTINY) ended up at the North Pole with elves who just love making toys for kids, then decided to become their leader because it meant his lazy ass would only have to work one day a year? Oh yeah, and there's bowling because it's ELF BOWLING. It all goes well for centuries until his scheming brother Dingle aims to take over and make billions in the process (by giving away toys to kids?).

 And you know what, I'm usually a sucker for even dumb crappy Christmas movies, but this flimsy excuse to milk a few desperate bucks out of kids might be the worst Christmas movie I've ever sat through. Like worse the the He-Man and She-Ra Christmas special. It's not just that even for a lazy dumb kids movie the plot is convoluted and makes no sense (i.e. even though Dingle is known for lying and has been caught cheating and stealing multiple times, Santa and the elves take pretty much everything he says at face value repeatedly throughout the movie). It's the awful "jokes" (i.e. every time the elves celebrate, they do it with armpit farts), the absolutely terrible songs and the downright terrifyingly bad animation that looks like CGI from budget PS one titles that just make this pretty damn unbearable. Avoid at all costs.

It's Santa kids! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

That's it for today. I'll probably have at least one post next week (probably Saturday) but not until after Christmas as between work and home stuff I'll be pretty busy, so everyone have a good holiday!

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