Gamer Cinema: Assault Girls

It's the future (maybe?) and everybody (meaning about 4 people) plays this VR game that seems mildly reminiscent of games like Borderlands or Monster Hunter as you hunt giant monsters across vast landscapes. Several gamers must reluctantly team up to take down a big enemy.

Annnnd that's it that's the entire plot of this thing that is barely a movie. Granted, you don't need an intricate plot to have an excuse but given that nearly half of Assault Girls 70 minute-running time is either terribly confusing exposition that has nothing to do with the plot or fortune-cookie gibberish wisdom and very little in the way of actual action (and for some reason lots of shots of a snail crawling, clearly the irony of that was lost on the filmmakers because the film seems far longer than it's short run time). Hell the first ten minutes is terrible narration that explains almost nothing over what was clearly just stock footage. Nothing is explained about how the game works, there is some subtle suggestion that it's a way to make money but that isn't explained either. You wouldn't even be entirely sure it was a game except for the fact that there is one scene where you see one the women exit the game and be in her gaming chair (although inexplicably she is in the same outfit she was in the game, complete with ammo belt, the costume budget had to be almost nothing). There is a voice which might be the program? Who the hell knows. At times it seems sentient and others mindlessly automated. If I didn't know better, I'd say this was made by Ed Wood, and maybe it's the modern Asian equivalent of that. Nothing makes sense, nothing fits and the production values are barely on par with the worst fan films. This is even worse than the laughably awful Double Dragon, at least that moved along at a good clip and the plot made more sense.

That's all for today, I plan to be back tomorrow with thoughts on this huge release week that includes Disney Infinity, Saints Row IV, Splinter Cell: Blacklist and more.

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