No treats, just tricks

Though Halloween is about 2 months away, this weekend seems filled with movies designed to scare you with poor humor, bad acting & nonsensical plots all designed to trick you out of your money.

Firstly, there's Rob Zombie's "epic" remake of Halloween. How this joker became a sudden revered director of horror, I'll never know. He's just as bad as any other shit director making crappy horror movies. In this version, his bright idea is to try to give reasoning to Myers evil behavior. But that was what was so great about the silent man in the white mask to begin with. He had no reason for turning out bad, he was just an evil SOB from the moment of his birth. Sure, the occasional conflicted villain is interesting, but we don't need that for our fun trashy horror films.

Already punishing theatre-goers for a couple of days now is Balls of Fury. It's like Dodgeball. Without Vince Vaugn, or Ben Stiller or anything resembling humor.

And finally there is Kevin Bacon trying to murder whatever is left of his career with Death Sentence. A remake of Death Wish. Just think about that for a second. Somebody actually remade Death Wish. Next thing you know, they'll turn Joust into a movie. Fuck....

Just one more thing to address today. The oh-so wise & mighty Variety posted a scathing review of Metroid Prime 3. They apparently complained because it isn't a casual game like Wario Ware or Wii Sports. You know, because apparently there's some law that says you can't make a game for hardcore gamers on a system that caters more to the casual gamer. This is possibly the stupidest fucking review in the history of all reviews. I mean seriously, it's like bashing Viva Pinata (which while it didn't sell great, had universal acclaim) for being on a system that is mainly aimed at young adults who enjoy sports & shooters. Hell, this is one of the games specifically designed to address the criticism that Nintendo has all but abandoned the hardcore gamer. To criticize a game not because it's bad, but because you think it just isn't appropriate for some target group is beyond moronic. I never give much credit to variety to begin with, but this is a new low in absolute stupidity.

Game of the Week: Toast of War